Right now! It feels like the world is tearing up into pieces shattering the hopes and dreams of becoming happy. We blamed ourselves and managed to talk it for a good 2 horrendous hours. Nevermind the lack of sleep....I was hoping there was something that we could possible think that could innovate things until you blew the whole thing.....
I dont mind being tagged a cheater or a liar coz I knew I am guilty about it....so are you!
But to tag me phrases indicating your hypocrisy on our issue/s is totally uncallled for.
I am hurt....really hurt and the one whom I have vowed to stay loyal with broke my heart into pieces when he thought of me as an object never worthy enough because he was dirty and filthy......
I never saw this coming until the statement came out flawless from your thoughts out to your mouth.
I am in shock because its not how i saw your cheating and lying when I caught you. I thought of it as an area of opportunity for us to grew more and explore other areas that could make us blossom among the sewers of shattered relationships.
It has been hours since I made my decision. NO matter how hurt I am the only thing that matters right now is how things would progress according to what you want. I think i left my brain somewhere as I am not really functioning well amidst the terrible demands of my job.....I am out of focus....
Five more days onto our fateful anniversary....could have been, might have been...SAVED but i abhor the fact that you dont see me as your partner anymore but just a thing that is either clean or filthy....I have good news for you, I will never be your object and basically thats the reason why I am flaming right now.
If my anger could light up this office, youd probably know how disappointed I am.
I am shaking and terribly sad.....
Why? How come?
Thursday, 25 February 2010
Tuesday, 23 February 2010
Choosing the Lesser Evil
Of Faithfulness and Loyalty...
Which one would you choose!
Question is, is there such a thing as being faithful? Maybe im biased as Im writing someone of my circumstance. Human by nature needs to interact with other human being.....Now im leading to something else that is trivial.
I think my dilemma right now is how to make things right and make sure I get out of this fuss that I am tied up with.
For sure I know where my heart belongs to. Without a doubt, I can say that without batting an eyelash. I am presented with lots of things to choose from because I have choices. When things get irresistable, they tend to cling to you more and all of a sudden you're trapped and all those important people gets affected badly.
I am saying this because I am remorseful of that fact I cannot resist it. I am helpless....I am addicted but I am sure at the end of the day I am addicted with you alone. I cannot even sum up all the words to tell you how much there is inside.
I am not going to blame anyone for this but myself and I will always find the solution for this at the right time. Things will just simply come to its right perspective. I just hope that it won't be too late when that happens.
I love you and I guess you just have to accept that fact that my love cannot be perfect as I have learned to love you in a lot of ways.
I am choosing the lesser evil and that is not by being faithful but by being loyal to you as the sun rises and sets. I will always come back to you because it is with you where my heart belongs to. Only you. Nobody else.
Which one would you choose!
Question is, is there such a thing as being faithful? Maybe im biased as Im writing someone of my circumstance. Human by nature needs to interact with other human being.....Now im leading to something else that is trivial.
I think my dilemma right now is how to make things right and make sure I get out of this fuss that I am tied up with.
For sure I know where my heart belongs to. Without a doubt, I can say that without batting an eyelash. I am presented with lots of things to choose from because I have choices. When things get irresistable, they tend to cling to you more and all of a sudden you're trapped and all those important people gets affected badly.
I am saying this because I am remorseful of that fact I cannot resist it. I am helpless....I am addicted but I am sure at the end of the day I am addicted with you alone. I cannot even sum up all the words to tell you how much there is inside.
I am not going to blame anyone for this but myself and I will always find the solution for this at the right time. Things will just simply come to its right perspective. I just hope that it won't be too late when that happens.
I love you and I guess you just have to accept that fact that my love cannot be perfect as I have learned to love you in a lot of ways.
I am choosing the lesser evil and that is not by being faithful but by being loyal to you as the sun rises and sets. I will always come back to you because it is with you where my heart belongs to. Only you. Nobody else.
Tuesday, 16 February 2010
Envy
There are a lot of things I am really grateful about my life.
Now, as i go through the various websites i sometimes feel the inadequacy of things which should not be the case at all. I begin to ask a lot of WHY....One friend told me a few months ago that we should be thankful even for the minute and unnoticeable things that happens. We should be even thankful that we have pillows and blankets for others would only result to having rice sacks to cover for themselves at night when sleeping.
I suddenly felt that I could have these things that I want and I am positive I will. Question is, WHEN?
I struggle with this ill feelings right now that I feel like cursing at someone or whatever just to let it all out.
I feel like if I can only consult someone to tell me the timelines of my life, Id certainly do that.
As I write my feelings right now, I begin to feel a sigh of relief and I am positive that I will get better than good.
Point is, what sense can all these life cycle principle bring when one is always yearning for the answer immediately. I once again reflect on some of the good things I effect on some close friends of mine each day. Then I begin to feel thankful that despite all the discontentment in the world, I still manage to find the positive side of things.
I am giving a huge positive sigh.....
Goodnight everyone.
Now, as i go through the various websites i sometimes feel the inadequacy of things which should not be the case at all. I begin to ask a lot of WHY....One friend told me a few months ago that we should be thankful even for the minute and unnoticeable things that happens. We should be even thankful that we have pillows and blankets for others would only result to having rice sacks to cover for themselves at night when sleeping.
I suddenly felt that I could have these things that I want and I am positive I will. Question is, WHEN?
I struggle with this ill feelings right now that I feel like cursing at someone or whatever just to let it all out.
I feel like if I can only consult someone to tell me the timelines of my life, Id certainly do that.
As I write my feelings right now, I begin to feel a sigh of relief and I am positive that I will get better than good.
Point is, what sense can all these life cycle principle bring when one is always yearning for the answer immediately. I once again reflect on some of the good things I effect on some close friends of mine each day. Then I begin to feel thankful that despite all the discontentment in the world, I still manage to find the positive side of things.
I am giving a huge positive sigh.....
Goodnight everyone.
Friday, 12 February 2010
Getting on with Life at 31
31 is plainly a number but when tagged as age, everyone seems to make a big fuss over it.
Now why am i writing something about age?
I guess this is the time of your life that you start to reflect on the thing that you did prior to this age. Yes! I am 31 and just don't ask me if I'm proud of it because answering you is like solving a complicated calculus problem.
I remember I was 21 and it was the day I decided that I'm gonna get what I want. I came from a family that went through a lot of hurricanes in life. Aside from having parents brought up the traditional way, Christianity played an integral and important part of our day to day lives. Sad to say, I was not buying it at all..I just had other plans....(I swear my parents and my siblings will slap me for this!)
Born with an older brother (33) and a sister (22), I was more of the person who had strong thoughts. I say what I want and I would try reason when I had the chance to. So to make my random thought for the day short, I moved out of my parents home just because I wanted to be free. Not that I was a slave but the more I couldn't live my life the way I wanted it to be, the more I became miserable.
10 years later, I see myself living comfortably on my own making my own decisions, pondering on my mistakes and making my life better. I am better than good.
Some of the things I'm proud to enumerate for the past ten years:
1. made good friends and connections
2. took off all excessive baggage and learned to be mean when needed.
3. been broke but remained to be financially responsible (in my own terms)
4. and was able to buy things that I thought would take me a lifetime to buy....
I would not trade my decision that I made 10 years ago.
At rate that I am going, I have another moment to fill and that is to make the next 10 years more memorable....
So cheers to those who had ventured on life and never had any regrets......
Now why am i writing something about age?
I guess this is the time of your life that you start to reflect on the thing that you did prior to this age. Yes! I am 31 and just don't ask me if I'm proud of it because answering you is like solving a complicated calculus problem.
I remember I was 21 and it was the day I decided that I'm gonna get what I want. I came from a family that went through a lot of hurricanes in life. Aside from having parents brought up the traditional way, Christianity played an integral and important part of our day to day lives. Sad to say, I was not buying it at all..I just had other plans....(I swear my parents and my siblings will slap me for this!)
Born with an older brother (33) and a sister (22), I was more of the person who had strong thoughts. I say what I want and I would try reason when I had the chance to. So to make my random thought for the day short, I moved out of my parents home just because I wanted to be free. Not that I was a slave but the more I couldn't live my life the way I wanted it to be, the more I became miserable.
10 years later, I see myself living comfortably on my own making my own decisions, pondering on my mistakes and making my life better. I am better than good.
Some of the things I'm proud to enumerate for the past ten years:
1. made good friends and connections
2. took off all excessive baggage and learned to be mean when needed.
3. been broke but remained to be financially responsible (in my own terms)
4. and was able to buy things that I thought would take me a lifetime to buy....
I would not trade my decision that I made 10 years ago.
At rate that I am going, I have another moment to fill and that is to make the next 10 years more memorable....
So cheers to those who had ventured on life and never had any regrets......
Tuesday, 9 February 2010
Biting my Teeth Off!
Who would have guessed that tonight is going to turn out disastrous...
i do believe that there are things better left unsaid. In my opinion, its better to say things that others wouldn't want to hear. It hurts, yes it hurts.
I wouldn't dare go into the details as per my opening statement. I just wished that i had so much vocabulary to find the right combination of sentences to say to someone so that it may not come out offensive. What can i do?
I either have limited vocabulary, tactless or simply straightforward.
I was about to rant about a day that didnt quite start out well but i guess its too late for that....still the day ended well with food on the table. Life is hard...life is tough.
i do believe that there are things better left unsaid. In my opinion, its better to say things that others wouldn't want to hear. It hurts, yes it hurts.
I wouldn't dare go into the details as per my opening statement. I just wished that i had so much vocabulary to find the right combination of sentences to say to someone so that it may not come out offensive. What can i do?
I either have limited vocabulary, tactless or simply straightforward.
I was about to rant about a day that didnt quite start out well but i guess its too late for that....still the day ended well with food on the table. Life is hard...life is tough.
Monday, 8 February 2010
Earth Hour....Calling Everyone...
Making this day special for everyone as we heed the call to show support and that we care.
Starting All Over Again
It's been probably 2 years since i stopped writing....Back when blogging was not yet a fad...I was there. Back then, I didn't have a private gadget of my own. I was constantly racing against time to make sure all of my emotions were being posted...Now I have the comforts of my dining table and my 2-year old laptop. I can continue writing.
I am currently wondering what subject should I stick to...I thought, "Why stick with a subject when you want to blurt it all out?"
So the tradition continues.
One day, I'll come to terms with picking a single subject to talk about and its not going to come soon. Hence, we move on to just talking about anything and everything.
It is 5:22 AM and I am about to retire for the day and begin a brand new week, with brand new experiences which I may or may not like at all....
this is life and this is how it's going to be....
I am currently wondering what subject should I stick to...I thought, "Why stick with a subject when you want to blurt it all out?"
So the tradition continues.
One day, I'll come to terms with picking a single subject to talk about and its not going to come soon. Hence, we move on to just talking about anything and everything.
It is 5:22 AM and I am about to retire for the day and begin a brand new week, with brand new experiences which I may or may not like at all....
this is life and this is how it's going to be....
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