Of Preferences, Respect and Living a Worry Free Life

Me and my so-called confidence gets myself under fire. Why? It is with this strong personality that I earn or lose friends. I wouldn't want to elaborate more but if you are reading this, I just wished you would have not discounted the fact that despite the flaws I had, despite how many times you had to follow through my mess ('coz im a scatterbag) I never disrespected you in any way, form or likeness.

Yes! I get it! It is a joke. Friends never taunt another friend because of how they look. I found it too insulting for someone like you who could say "You're taste is getting a bit low" (forgive me! it's not the exact word said on SMS but the meaning is the same). I never knew my appearance was a liability when I thought I was invisble to everyone. I genuinely admit that you are goodlooking and I admire the fact that you are grounded not to flaunt it. Your "joke" only disproved my impression.
It is water under the bridge and like I said, I'll just have to laugh about it but I can clearly see now the wall you have placed between us. I will continue to be a friend but this time I will be more limited in my dealings. Nothing will change except that fact that I will no longer be an open book to you.

THE LONG AND WORTHY JOURNEY TO ISLAND COVE

Previous to this incident was a happy team building activity at Island Cove in Cavite. Everyone except Kits was not able to make it. I do not know the reason but I hope she will make it on the next plan....let me guess.....Mahayhay? It was around 5:30 PM, rush hour of June 6, 2007, when Owen, Zabs, Mariel and myself started our journey to this place I am going with my team. Maricor had to go home to attend to her kid who was having some problems with his tummy (can't find the right way of putting it!) while Mick and Ado will be meeting here somewhere to they could go to the resort together. It took the advance party around 3 hours to get there and boy! it was one of the hardest travel I had to go through. Nevertheless, it was all good. I could never trade the chance of being with my agents for anything else. I so wanted it to happen that I forgot I was suffering along the way hahahaha. We managed to forget about our worries and problems for about 24 hours and instead celebrate the solidarity our team had since October 2006. I admit the money was not enough to make the event grandiose. Who cares anyway when we had ourselves?

Images below show how majestic the place was.

The night started with us getting cozy on hotel room we rented. Thanks to Mick and his wife that we were able to spend Php 4,000.00 for accommodation and breakfast (worth Php 2,000.00). I am definitely not a nudist but I am more comfortable without a shirt on. This gives me a sense of liberty that no one except me can enjoy. I guess my agents do not have any choice but to enjoy it hahahaha. Owen's (short for Rowena!) husband decided to join us later in the evening and Myk's (short for Misshelle) decided to join us in Baclaran. I swear I was new to the area since I do not wander a lot on places that is too far from the Makati/Mandaluyong area. Once Mick, Ado and Maricor arrived, dinner (adobo and rice) was served in preparation for booze. After diner all of us decided to take a long-delated breather. The pool was very accessible and to make things more fun, we had the pool to ourselves and it looked like a private gathering afterall. Everyone was surprised to see that I could do some breastroke and backstroke even if I was scared of getting to the deeper part of the pool. We took a couple of pictures and dipped more. I admit, some of the team members have issues with big bellies. I dont! Lucky me! Thanks to the strict diet that I enforced a month ago. I never cared if I had rice that night for it was dinner with my team. What more could you
 ask for? Then it was time to settle down.....grab some cigz...took more pictures and the much awaited moment.....BOOOZE! I bet Mickey was not as pleased with the amount of liquor available for we had limited "bread" that night. It was the last supper version of TEAM NEW TOWN. Picture this......9 people spread across a table putting money inside a bowl located in the middle. I thought it was a little depressing to see Ado, Mickey and Maricor disappointed on the amount of drinks available. I was a party animal some 6 years ago but then the picture on the left would clearly describe how sober I am lately. The only problem was I couldn't cut down on my smoking. I was tired and sleepy that a few shots of rum with mango or orange juice got me all groggy and all the more sleepy.
To be continued......................

Do What you Have to DO!

Knowing myself, I guess I have gone through a lot of situation where I could easily ease my way out. Be it emotional, physical or even financial.

My vulnerability is once put to the test and I cannot even say whether I have to avoid it.
As Sarah McLachlan sang on this song:



Every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul.

I'm ever swiftly moving,

trying to escape this desire,

the yearning to be near you.

I do what I have to do.

The yearning to be near you.

I do what I have to do.




AND I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how to let you go.

I don't know how to let you go.

Do What You Have To Do - a song I came across my PC (Thanks to the wonderful IT people who enforces strict security stuff like "NO MP3's") Talks about someone not being able to let go. Despite the fact that I have accepted emotional defeat against the cupid arrows trying to penetrate the veins and arteries of my heart, still there is that burning desire to be with you once again. I am with you that's for sure but are you with me?

I am currently not in good terms with my current flame. Question is.....Is it easy to be not in good terms because I entertain the fact that I can be in good terms with old flame and let it flicker it again and see if it stays there to forever light up my life.

I wanna do what I have to do but no matter what I do it brings me back to the same old feeling. To be near you is NIRVANA. To see you smile is like a site a sweet oranges to my lips. The feeling is too huge to compress in a sentence.

I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!

Thorns on my Back! Take them Out!

There is not exact way of describing the way how i feel today.

I am neglected on my own crib. I just wanna break down now and give them a smack on their faces. You should have opened the door coz I was banging it so loudly and what the hell happened to your phone being off on that very special night when I needed a f***ing ventilation. Quite coincidental huh!

The other one is a little too selfish and thinks that I need to help him at whatever cost. I am starting to feel like I am being abused. There will come a time when all Ive left is nothing but purely civil emotions and feelings toward. You're lucky I still love you despite what has happened.

I am no crybaby that is why it is difficult to let out my emotions and when I am all filled up, i burst like a volcano.

I have recently deleted someone on my friends list. Why? Shes pathetic and wants to be the center of attention. She is insecure yet bitchy. She has been complaining about the same thing over and over again and wants to create a drama over petty little things. Too much drama stories doesnt amuse me at all. So it's time to move on. I cannot be one of those audience anymore.

This day sucked big time!

Random Thoughts of A Good Start!

Sometimes, when you get into a predicament where you couldn't take any of those intense emotions, suprises start rolling in. I think I owe this inspiration from Myke (a female) who got me back into the blogging world.

Losing a Friend

Drama is something that I have gotten myself into before. It is okay to dwell on unfortunate circumstances because I believe that it is natural to "feel your feelings". Too much of it is pathetic.
People tend to abuse their peers' patience and understanding but getting into this emotional drama over and over again get a bit annoying. I was not involved to start with but the person going through this crap is one friend I look up to. She used to be smart and will never get into this seemingly tragic and stupid emotional period (make that almost daily!) with me. Why? Because I never buy those lines and statements she usually uses. It's pathetic and crappy. She used to be fine until she had the opportunity to be what she is now.
"Guess where I am at now?....I standing on a cliff" ; "I feel like dying now... (to the millionth time!)"; "Would you bring flowers when I die?"
These are just some of those pathetic lines she continuesly uses to get attention. I can't stress enough the use of the word PATHETIC.
Snap out of it!

Better than Being Lovers and Remaining a Friend

Suddenly emotions start rolling despite the fact that I promised myself to move on.
Maybe you're just too good to be true and I just couldn't get over you. Maybe you matched the personality I currently have and challenges me to be better.
Whatever the reason is? I think you have an idea how much I have been so emotionally attached until this day. I continuously deny the fact that the attachment is greater that "mighty bond".
If it stays there, it stay there. I really don't care now. The favors I do you are genuinely not to decieve you at all. These are my gestures to let you know that I can suppress whatever emotions I have for you until this day.

I think I promised at some point that I wouldn't ever let you go pungent and decayed. Guess that mantra got stuck. I do not consider it as a punishment but more of a blessing.

And then some..............

1. Never label your friends. Friends should not have any obligation to you and to your "what have you's"
2. Never stop loving. It is only death that can stop your brains from telling your heart to stop feeling the most woderful thing.
3. It's okay to be emotionally transparent but always end up positive.
4. Never forget to apologize to people who deserve it.
I am temporarily ending this session because I've got lots of things to accomplish today. The only thing I can promise for now is that the template will constantly change depending on my moods. I shall be re-posting my previous blogs from http://reggolb24.blogdrive.com . When blogging was not yet a fad, I was there.
To those who are reading this, never hide your thoughts. Spill them out. Trust me, it will make you feel better.