Relationships Can Be "BackTracked"

What the heck is this statement all about?
As a start, I am back in the relationship stage. Starting all over again and hopefully this time Id be able to at least upgrade the "happiness" I get out of all these hooplas.
I was in a daze when I all the things I could expect to come before the year ends truly happened. I got all surprised when I had to at least backtrack with this person I dated 1 week ago that it was long overdue for the relationship to start. Then an agreement was sealed without me asking for it. Came as a sweet surprise indeed.
Forgive me if I am lost for words on what to write on. Im on a high. Yet again, the only thing I could hope for is a lasting relationship that would not bring me any uncertainties. I stop and think about it for a second and have to remind myself that I should not be idealistic. I had to slap myself and not overanalyze because it presents a danger. I am no longer the pessimist about relationship.
As a committment to myself, I will make sure this will work this time. I can see some potential hardship. Then its about two consenting people both in a "win-win" situation.
I know this will work.
My current inspiration: BUILT TO LAST (click on the link)

Ending the Year 2007

This must be one of th best years of my life. Let me count the reasons why I really enjoyed this year:

1. The year started with a pay increase of 42% last January for a good performance last 2006 2. GOt involved with someone last April and went to Puerto Galera for the first time. 3. Had two people working under me promoted and improved performances for other people were achieved. NOw, they are are happy too. 4. I was transferred to the evening shift where I've seen people improving once again on their performances. Sales rate peaked to almost 17% within two months from a bad 12% last September due to an incompetent manager. Now, everything is in place. Currently, sales rate is at 20.00% and it keeps getting better. December is definitely special for me and here are the reasons why: 1. I finally got my laptop. Its an ACER Aspire 5580 with Intel Core 2 Duo in it. 2. YOng was the best samaritan for this year for giving me a book about MS Access. He then sold two books for a discounted price. Amazing isnt it? 3. Jano was the first person who gave me a necklace my whole life. It is not the most expensive one you can find. As a matter of fact, the gold plate is starting to fade. Regardless of the price of quality, the thought really touched and moved me. 4. I met an interesting person. Gullible as Imay seem to be but this is starting to go the way where I want it to be. I'll hope for a brighter future. 5. I finally got someone to rent the 2nd room in my place. This has something to do with finances. To make it more interesting, this person was under the tutelage of my Mom way back in high school and my mom definitely remembered him. Now I wont have to worry about leaving some spare money because half of what I pay for my shelter has already been taken care of. 6. I found genuine friendships in the office. These people are those who understand that being human can be complicated due the uniqueness of ones personality. I may be blunt but thats just me. I can change it but people dumping you based on impressions are BS. Some of the drawbacks that shaped my life for 2007 1. Violating company policy is indeed a serious offense and being the bookish type of person when it comes to policies, I learned the best. I was given a Final Written Warning for it. No need to ask what policy I violated. Ill keep it to myself. 2. My anger and angst is getting serious that i am grateful for my company's initiative to help employees fix some minor personal problems and dilemmas. I get misunderstood because I cannot seem to just keep it low when it comes to my feelings and this is still one of my greatest AREA FOR IMPROVEMENT. 3. Going to Puerto Galera was not really a good idea. I went home with a "black eye" Funny me and my partner separated. 4. Motivation is self-induced. It should not be based on the temperature of the surroundings and the kind of people you are with. My performance got a little shaky in the middle of the year. I only had to blame myself for it. 5. Lost a friend. Not because this friend died but in the process of our friendship, that evil persona surfaced. I didnt want that in my backyard. Things to look forward for 2008 1. More savings 2. Better performance 3. Getting people promoted with improved and exemplary performance. 4. Have my room decorated and organized. 5. Be more efficient with work and deliverables. 6. No absences and tardiness. Not even once for the year 2008.

I take care of finances, you take care of the infrastructure!

Just a thought!
I am actually in the cafe located at greenbelt because there was an emergency. Not mine. Well its complicated I know and for some reason I have all the time and patience in the world to understand. Totally not me. Is it because of an anger and anxiety control procedures or is it something else?
Like what my shoutout says, I have a new lease on life. I am found (id like to believe thats the case) when I lost.

Some of the things I found out today:

1. Justin Henin won the women's singles (US Open) in which only my fellow sports lovers would only appreciate. I dont like her because she's psychotic but I guess she's all through those days when she had to fake fatigue to win. Oh well, shes the champ so kudos to her.

2. ****N is workaholic. I like the type of job this person does and if given the chance I would love to be a part of it. Very focused on work where i can draw a lot of ideas for my seemingly messy work situation. You kinda inspire me.

3. The internet cafe I am in today is expensive but id like to believe that I am doing this because I am not compelled to but because you wanted me to be around at least when were not together. That's something to always look forward to.

4. I am not as creative as my former friend Thed (Theresa! unique name but lunatic personality...unique indeed) but then I am as transparent as the cleanest wall glass you can find in a mall. I owe someone an apology for my hasty generalization. At some point, I was reminded not to be paranoid and to always understand people where they are coming from. Luckily, I was successful today in controlling my anger! You really have a way of calming me down huh!

Okay, my bill says I have to pay Php 61.00 and more if I dont log out now so I shall end this post.

Until then.....
Rickz

I wonder and I think......

After being silent for a couple of weeks, I am confronted with things to ponder. How does one react?
1. Why did a young sampaguita vendor dropped a sampaguita necklace inside a cab and said "Sa iyo na po ito...."
Really! I am touched. I dont usually succumb to emotional stuff but then the connection I had to the situation moved me. I was wondering if the kid got so fed up of me saying "NO, I dont need it" when he was offering me the flower necklace. The other thing I wondered about was maybe it was 9 PM and he had to go home and just forget about the idea that he never made a sale after all efforts have failed to wander the streets of Ortigas (he had lots of those necklace on his arm) 2. I know it's over but why do I come back to you? I tend to let go of things easily. Why do you keep on coming back? I prefer you to be pungent. I prefer you to be like a rotten piece of meat unattended. The more I like to think that we cannot materialize into something, the more I am drawn to you. The feeling is not gone. Your annoyance is like good news to me. Its like an incentive for not having someone around and then you're there always ready to go with the flow. I could only hope one day, your heart literally creates an airspace for me to fill some muscles. Then youll realize im important. I am not bitter. I just love you the way you are. 3. My blogspot finally has a comment on it.... I can only tell you one thing....Bridges were burned and destroyed becuase of two things (a) links need to be severed due to chaos, and (b) bridges need to be created to replace an old and damaged one. Let time figure it's cause. I'd like to have the latter coming and see how it works. 4. Cloudseeding......what the!!!! Is this the most desperate solution for the country's suffering against global warming? Would it help in a long run? I know I dont have to ask because it's none of my business. I really dont care but then I begin to keep on asking. Is this where all the people's taxes are being invested on when it can be used for something else? How many people died when our country suffered El Niño? The president likes to call it a project. Let's say she wants to be regarded as someone who can be sensitive enough on the needs of her people.Let me say this...."NICE TRY!!!" Finally, let me just say that I am currently undergoing counselling sessions. It's extremely helpful. I feel like I can be myself 100% without trying to put on a front. But hey! I am not into psychiatric conditioning okay. I think everyone needs a shrink sometimes. Not because of psychological disorders but for psychological conditioning where negative behaviours can be improved to help you succeed.

Soap/Shampoo on my Goddam Coke!

Who do you think youre fooling?

I cannot understand why you have to lie straight to my face and drag other people to get some sympathy. How much of a moron and an asshole can you be?

I can name a lot of things why I should not even hesitate writing your name on this blog today. In fact, I do not even care if I embarrass you and your stinking a** in public because you're pathetic like my ex-close friend. Both of you indeed understand each other. Pathetic liars and denials.

You know you are the only person I share the apartment with and for you to lie to me that you didnt have anything to do with the shampoo or soap on my coke is ridiculous.

You dont have the balls and the backbone to embarrass yourself but you're way much lower than a moron for doing it. Get a job and start knocking some sense in your life.

You are not God's gift to people and definitely you are not one those gifted person who can always make an excuse.

I wanted to understand your insecurity as I am one hell of an insecured person but to use other people as an ego booster (I quote that from someone!) and to treat other people like they dont have any idea about your preferences is totally absurd.

You may leave my place by the 28th and thats it. Along with your departure are the level of self-proclaimed arrogance you brought to my house. Thanks for those times you helped, you will get the credit for your good deeds but all those good deeds are put to waste.

You're a fucked up, screwed up liar! Asshole! Leave my place! Leave me out of your insecurity. I have a lot of those to think of and Ill deal it on my own.

Read it and make sure you listen to yourself. I swear I am so mad at you.

Of Preferences, Respect and Living a Worry Free Life

Me and my so-called confidence gets myself under fire. Why? It is with this strong personality that I earn or lose friends. I wouldn't want to elaborate more but if you are reading this, I just wished you would have not discounted the fact that despite the flaws I had, despite how many times you had to follow through my mess ('coz im a scatterbag) I never disrespected you in any way, form or likeness.

Yes! I get it! It is a joke. Friends never taunt another friend because of how they look. I found it too insulting for someone like you who could say "You're taste is getting a bit low" (forgive me! it's not the exact word said on SMS but the meaning is the same). I never knew my appearance was a liability when I thought I was invisble to everyone. I genuinely admit that you are goodlooking and I admire the fact that you are grounded not to flaunt it. Your "joke" only disproved my impression.
It is water under the bridge and like I said, I'll just have to laugh about it but I can clearly see now the wall you have placed between us. I will continue to be a friend but this time I will be more limited in my dealings. Nothing will change except that fact that I will no longer be an open book to you.

THE LONG AND WORTHY JOURNEY TO ISLAND COVE

Previous to this incident was a happy team building activity at Island Cove in Cavite. Everyone except Kits was not able to make it. I do not know the reason but I hope she will make it on the next plan....let me guess.....Mahayhay? It was around 5:30 PM, rush hour of June 6, 2007, when Owen, Zabs, Mariel and myself started our journey to this place I am going with my team. Maricor had to go home to attend to her kid who was having some problems with his tummy (can't find the right way of putting it!) while Mick and Ado will be meeting here somewhere to they could go to the resort together. It took the advance party around 3 hours to get there and boy! it was one of the hardest travel I had to go through. Nevertheless, it was all good. I could never trade the chance of being with my agents for anything else. I so wanted it to happen that I forgot I was suffering along the way hahahaha. We managed to forget about our worries and problems for about 24 hours and instead celebrate the solidarity our team had since October 2006. I admit the money was not enough to make the event grandiose. Who cares anyway when we had ourselves?

Images below show how majestic the place was.

The night started with us getting cozy on hotel room we rented. Thanks to Mick and his wife that we were able to spend Php 4,000.00 for accommodation and breakfast (worth Php 2,000.00). I am definitely not a nudist but I am more comfortable without a shirt on. This gives me a sense of liberty that no one except me can enjoy. I guess my agents do not have any choice but to enjoy it hahahaha. Owen's (short for Rowena!) husband decided to join us later in the evening and Myk's (short for Misshelle) decided to join us in Baclaran. I swear I was new to the area since I do not wander a lot on places that is too far from the Makati/Mandaluyong area. Once Mick, Ado and Maricor arrived, dinner (adobo and rice) was served in preparation for booze. After diner all of us decided to take a long-delated breather. The pool was very accessible and to make things more fun, we had the pool to ourselves and it looked like a private gathering afterall. Everyone was surprised to see that I could do some breastroke and backstroke even if I was scared of getting to the deeper part of the pool. We took a couple of pictures and dipped more. I admit, some of the team members have issues with big bellies. I dont! Lucky me! Thanks to the strict diet that I enforced a month ago. I never cared if I had rice that night for it was dinner with my team. What more could you
 ask for? Then it was time to settle down.....grab some cigz...took more pictures and the much awaited moment.....BOOOZE! I bet Mickey was not as pleased with the amount of liquor available for we had limited "bread" that night. It was the last supper version of TEAM NEW TOWN. Picture this......9 people spread across a table putting money inside a bowl located in the middle. I thought it was a little depressing to see Ado, Mickey and Maricor disappointed on the amount of drinks available. I was a party animal some 6 years ago but then the picture on the left would clearly describe how sober I am lately. The only problem was I couldn't cut down on my smoking. I was tired and sleepy that a few shots of rum with mango or orange juice got me all groggy and all the more sleepy.
To be continued......................

Do What you Have to DO!

Knowing myself, I guess I have gone through a lot of situation where I could easily ease my way out. Be it emotional, physical or even financial.

My vulnerability is once put to the test and I cannot even say whether I have to avoid it.
As Sarah McLachlan sang on this song:



Every moment marked

with apparitions of your soul.

I'm ever swiftly moving,

trying to escape this desire,

the yearning to be near you.

I do what I have to do.

The yearning to be near you.

I do what I have to do.




AND I have the sense to recognize

that I don't know how to let you go.

I don't know how to let you go.

Do What You Have To Do - a song I came across my PC (Thanks to the wonderful IT people who enforces strict security stuff like "NO MP3's") Talks about someone not being able to let go. Despite the fact that I have accepted emotional defeat against the cupid arrows trying to penetrate the veins and arteries of my heart, still there is that burning desire to be with you once again. I am with you that's for sure but are you with me?

I am currently not in good terms with my current flame. Question is.....Is it easy to be not in good terms because I entertain the fact that I can be in good terms with old flame and let it flicker it again and see if it stays there to forever light up my life.

I wanna do what I have to do but no matter what I do it brings me back to the same old feeling. To be near you is NIRVANA. To see you smile is like a site a sweet oranges to my lips. The feeling is too huge to compress in a sentence.

I DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO!

Thorns on my Back! Take them Out!

There is not exact way of describing the way how i feel today.

I am neglected on my own crib. I just wanna break down now and give them a smack on their faces. You should have opened the door coz I was banging it so loudly and what the hell happened to your phone being off on that very special night when I needed a f***ing ventilation. Quite coincidental huh!

The other one is a little too selfish and thinks that I need to help him at whatever cost. I am starting to feel like I am being abused. There will come a time when all Ive left is nothing but purely civil emotions and feelings toward. You're lucky I still love you despite what has happened.

I am no crybaby that is why it is difficult to let out my emotions and when I am all filled up, i burst like a volcano.

I have recently deleted someone on my friends list. Why? Shes pathetic and wants to be the center of attention. She is insecure yet bitchy. She has been complaining about the same thing over and over again and wants to create a drama over petty little things. Too much drama stories doesnt amuse me at all. So it's time to move on. I cannot be one of those audience anymore.

This day sucked big time!

Random Thoughts of A Good Start!

Sometimes, when you get into a predicament where you couldn't take any of those intense emotions, suprises start rolling in. I think I owe this inspiration from Myke (a female) who got me back into the blogging world.

Losing a Friend

Drama is something that I have gotten myself into before. It is okay to dwell on unfortunate circumstances because I believe that it is natural to "feel your feelings". Too much of it is pathetic.
People tend to abuse their peers' patience and understanding but getting into this emotional drama over and over again get a bit annoying. I was not involved to start with but the person going through this crap is one friend I look up to. She used to be smart and will never get into this seemingly tragic and stupid emotional period (make that almost daily!) with me. Why? Because I never buy those lines and statements she usually uses. It's pathetic and crappy. She used to be fine until she had the opportunity to be what she is now.
"Guess where I am at now?....I standing on a cliff" ; "I feel like dying now... (to the millionth time!)"; "Would you bring flowers when I die?"
These are just some of those pathetic lines she continuesly uses to get attention. I can't stress enough the use of the word PATHETIC.
Snap out of it!

Better than Being Lovers and Remaining a Friend

Suddenly emotions start rolling despite the fact that I promised myself to move on.
Maybe you're just too good to be true and I just couldn't get over you. Maybe you matched the personality I currently have and challenges me to be better.
Whatever the reason is? I think you have an idea how much I have been so emotionally attached until this day. I continuously deny the fact that the attachment is greater that "mighty bond".
If it stays there, it stay there. I really don't care now. The favors I do you are genuinely not to decieve you at all. These are my gestures to let you know that I can suppress whatever emotions I have for you until this day.

I think I promised at some point that I wouldn't ever let you go pungent and decayed. Guess that mantra got stuck. I do not consider it as a punishment but more of a blessing.

And then some..............

1. Never label your friends. Friends should not have any obligation to you and to your "what have you's"
2. Never stop loving. It is only death that can stop your brains from telling your heart to stop feeling the most woderful thing.
3. It's okay to be emotionally transparent but always end up positive.
4. Never forget to apologize to people who deserve it.
I am temporarily ending this session because I've got lots of things to accomplish today. The only thing I can promise for now is that the template will constantly change depending on my moods. I shall be re-posting my previous blogs from http://reggolb24.blogdrive.com . When blogging was not yet a fad, I was there.
To those who are reading this, never hide your thoughts. Spill them out. Trust me, it will make you feel better.